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How to Write Like a Girl

I forgot how to write like a girl.

I only recently realized this had happened.

I thought I was doing just fine. I was writing monthly columns on women’s issues for B-Metro. I was freelancing for Birmingham magazine and WBHM 90.3 FM. I was regularly updating the blog for See Jane Write, the organization for women writers and bloggers that I founded in 2011. And I’ve been growing that blog and organization into a business and encouraging the women of See Jane Write to build businesses of their own. I even came up with a catchy title for this mission: Lady Blogger to Boss Lady.

But I was not writing like a girl.

To me, writing like a girl isn’t about writing to meet a deadline or blogging to build a business. Those things are rewarding and important. Those are things I have no plans of quitting. But writing like a girl is waking up early or staying up late to scribble personal prose in your favorite notebook while sprawled across your bed, hair piled into a messy bun because you don’t want any distractions, not even the curls your twirl around your finger when you’re in deep thought.

Writing like a girl is poring your heart out on the page not for publication but because you just can’t help yourself.

Writing like a girl is the craft of writing in its purest form.

I forgot to write like a girl, but a fellow woman writer reminded me. Over the past couple of weeks I’ve been reading a collection of essays by Tyece Wilkins of the blog Twenties Unscripted.The collection comprises previously published blog posts — posts she wrote with little regard for possible page views but posts she wrote because not writing them was simply not an option.

Coming home from work each night and plopping down on her sofa with her laptop and a glass of wine was her ritual, her sanctuary, her artist’s way. It’s time I find mine.

For months I’ve been asking myself how I can grow a business and still work on my own writing. The answer is simple: Just write.

For a few moments, forget about building a brand or pitching publications. Just write.

Get back to business later. Right now, just write.

The yoke is easy; the burden is light. Just write.

lifestyle teaching

Dear Dakotah

Dear Dakotah,

This is it.

Tomorrow you leave for college, for art school.

Tomorrow the old adage “This is the first day of the rest of your life” will never ring more true.

Tomorrow you leave for college and I’ve promised myself I won’t cry. So I’ll do what I always do when I need to fight back tears — I will write.

In an attempt to live up to my title as your mentor I feel I should offer you some wise words of advice as you enter this new stage of life. But I often feel that over these past three years you’ve taught me more than I could ever teach you.

But here goes…

Go to class — most of the time.

Turn things in when they’re due — all of the time.

Do you best work — not for a grade, not for your professors, but for yourself.

Take yourself seriously as an artist, but never get caught up in your own hype. Be humble, but never dismiss the well-deserved rewards you will receive.

Grow up, but never stop being a girl.

Never stop being a girl who creates art not for accolades but because she just can’t help herself. Never stop being a girl who squeals loudly with excitement in a quiet coffee shop and doesn’t care who stares.

Never stop being a girl who believes in sisterhood and friendship that lasts forever. Never stop being a girl who believes women are worth worshipping.

Never stop being a girl who loves pink.

You once told me you dress like you just left a luau on the moon. Never stop being a girl who says things like that.

Don’t wear pajamas to class. You have too many cute clothes in your closet to engage in such nonsense.

Take naps.

Exercise 4 days a week — not to be skinny, but to be strong.

Eat pizza at midnight at least once and have no regrets.

Credit cards are evil. Cupcake ATMs are from God.

Don’t let New York change you, but be sure to change it. Make your mark and make it beautiful.

Remember the world owes you nothing, but you owe yourself the world. So go after your goals with reckless abandon.

I do not know the secret to understanding men. Don’t trust people who say that they do.

Break all the rules — even these — if that’s what it takes to be true to who you really are.

Don’t panic if you have no idea who you really are. That’s the purpose of the pursuit of higher education. Self-discovery, not a degree, makes college worth the price of admission.

Never forget things could always be worse.

Never forget you are always enough.

xo,

Javacia

teaching

Back to School Commandments

In my classroom is a quote board and I don’t care how cliche it may be for an English teacher to have one. The first quote I post each year is by author and poet Sylvia Plath: “I took a deep breath and listened to the old brag of my heart: I am, I am, I am.”

Not far from the quote board is a portrait of Plath. When seated at my desk poring over lesson plans and pitiful thesis statements, I glance across the room and look into her eyes. They seem to say to me, “Keep going.”

While a student at Smith College, Plath once wrote herself a list of Back to School Commandments, beginning with three rules on how to behave around her new beau.

Image via OpenCulture

Inspired, I decided to pen commandments of my own for my love and my labor.

1. I will not overwhelm him with panic, stress, and worry.

2. I will not throw temper tantrums when he simply asks me to sort through my mail and receipts.

3. I will kiss him and adore him as if he were my high school crush.

Back to School Commandments

1. Keep a CALM FRONT always.

2. Research papers — don’t get upset. Every year you’re convinced they’ll be the death of you. Every year you survive.

3. Report cards — Resist the urge to panic no matter how many tests, essays, and journal assignments you have to grade at the end of the quarter.

4. DO NOT STOP WRITING. You must practice what you teach.

5. Say “Good morning” to every one, every day, even when the morning is anything but good.

6. Write down everything. Clean your desk. Vacuum your rug. Wash your mug. Throw away dry erase markers that no longer work.

7. Do not skip workouts to grade papers. Your job is not worth your health no matter how noble your profession may be.

8. Stop staying up late. Teaching teenagers is no excuse for adopting their sleeping habits.

9. Remember 10 months is not an eternity. 9 weeks is not an eternity. Even if it looks that way now.

10. Make sure you’re always having fun — even when you’re teaching Puritan lit or MLA. If you’re bored your students will be, too.

P.S. – Remember — your class will teach your students more about life than literature and that’s exactly the way it should be.

Love,

goals See Jane Write

My FOCUS for the Week

You can do it all, but not all at once.

That’s a lesson I’ve been learning the hard way through the years.

Today I sent a message to the members of See Jane Write encouraging them to get focused. I encouraged them to get focused on just one goal for the week and not feel guilty for putting all others on hold.

I’m going to practice what I preach. My goal for this week is to sell out the upcoming See Jane Write Bloganista Mini-Con presented by Laura Vincent Printing & Design.

If you’d like to follow along to see what I’m doing to promote the conference, visit SeeJaneWriteBham.com/blog for daily posts. I’ll also be posting conference-related stuff on my personal Instagram account at @writeousbabe.

What is your focus this week?

blogging business

Why Blogging Is a Love Affair

Last Friday I had the opportunity to attend the Melanie Duncan Workshop. In case you aren’t familiar, Melanie Duncan is a highly successful entrepreneur and founder of the Entrepreneuress Academy, through which she strives to help other women achieve the success in business that she has enjoyed.

By meeting her I got to cross off an item on my Life List but thanks to the workshop I had quite the revelation: I realized that blogging is a love affair but not for the reasons I previously thought.

I have often compared blogging to a relationship and I even have blog dates — times when I go to my favorite coffee shop to work on my blog for hours on end.

But during her presentation Melanie Duncan shared this quote:

Don’t fall in love with your business; fall in love with your customers.

Immediately I thought of See Jane Write. Immediately, I thought of how important it is that I stay focused on the women I seek to serve and not simply get enamored with the idea of building a business.

But days later after the workshop I realized that I need to apply this to blogging as well. I need to fall in love with my readers, not my blog.

This is a hard pill for writers to swallow. We are told again and again to write for ourselves. And I definitely think we should. I definitely believe you should write about the things that stir your passions. But if you’re also blogging in hopes of serving others and especially if you’re hoping to turn your blog into a business, you must keep your reader’s needs in mind.

Another quote from the conference that stuck with me:

And in blogging the most important thing is your ideal reader’s loyalty.

Blogging is a love affair, a love affair with your ideal reader. And here are a few ways to rekindle the romance.

Don’t get lazy with her love. If you’ve been blogging for a long time chances are you have a loyal following and chances are you have an ideal reader — that reader who not only reads every post but also shares each one with her network and friends. Don’t ever take her for granted. Don’t get lazy and post content just for the sake of posting content. Stay creative, even when you’re writing sponsored posts. For example, Jessie of Style & Pepper, one of my table mates at the conference does a fantastic job of this. When she was asked by Glade to write about a new candle she didn’t just write a post saying over and over again “Oh, this candle smells so good!” Who wants to read that?! Instead she wrote a post about what to put on the nightstand of your guest bedroom to be a good host to your visitors. And she included the candle. Brilliant!

Talk to her, not at her. We all love Facebook, but don’t rely solely on your blog’s Facebook fan page to communicate with your ideal reader. Not only does she probably not see your posts thanks to Facebook’s current algorithm, but your Facebook fan page doesn’t really foster conversation. Instead, consider starting a Facebook group. This is something I’ve been encouraging my clients to do and when Devin Duncan, Melanie Duncan’s husband who also presented at the conference, suggested this too, I knew I was on to something!

Ask her what she needs and give her what she wants. If you’re having blogger’s block simply ask your readers what they need and want to read about. This is why it’s so important to build an email list — so you can ask your readers important questions like this directly through their inboxes. If you need help building your list, use this as yet another opportunity to give your reader what she wants and needs by embedding a newsletter opt-in with an opt-in freebie in your blog posts. For example, let’s say you wrote a blog post on why everyone needs a blog. Your opt-in freebie could then be a guide on how to set up a blog. If you’re thinking about offering a product or service to your readers to help monetize your blog you can use the conversion rates of different opt-in freebies to determine what interests your readers most.

KISS and move slowly. For everyone ready to launch a new product or service, Devin reminded us of the KISS principle — Keep it simple, stupid! Start with a product or program you can launch quickly (without sacrificing quality, of course) and promote it through webinars, email, your blog, your social media networks and Facebook groups.

Here’s what I plan to do within the next 60 days to better show my love for my ideal reader:

– Be more creative with sponsored posts for SeeJaneWriteBham.com.

– Take steps to make the See Jane Write Facebook group more vibrant and valuable.

– Create a new opt-in freebie.

– Complete and launch a blogging e-course.

What will you do to rekindle the romance with your ideal reader?

Feminism lifestyle

5 Things That Made Me a Happy Feminist in New York

New York owes me nothing.

My husband and I spent the past week in New York and words really can’t express how amazing our trip was — but I’m going to try anyway.

One of my favorite quotes about New York:

One belongs to New York instantly, one belongs to it as much in five minutes as in five years.

Or five days.

I went to New York for the Melanie Duncan Workshop, a one-day conference for entrepreneurs. (Be sure to swing by the blog Friday for recap of the conference.) But we decided to make a trip of it and stay a few extra days.

My legs are still sore from pounding the pavement of New York’s city streets for five days in sandals not fit for walking several miles at a time, but that is not a complaint. All that walking was needed to help burn off delicious food from places like the Meatball Shop and Calle Ocho.

But someone once said…

New York walking isn’t exercise; it’s a continually showing make-your-own movie.

And the movie I made was a feminist one. Here’s why:

1. I met Melanie Duncan.

I don’t know if Melanie Duncan considers herself a feminist or not, but her workshop oozes female empowerment nonetheless. She and her husband Devin Duncan both presented at the conference and watching them work together as partners was a case study for the beauty of egalitarian relationships.

The Bowsers meet the Duncans!

I left the workshop even more motivated to be a wildly successful entrepreneuress like Melanie and to help other women do the same. Plus, by meeting Melanie Duncan I got to cross off something on my Life List!

2. I met Eric Danforth IRL!

Several years ago a piece of mine was published in a collection of feminist essays. One day I received a message from someone in New York named Eric who loved my writing and loved that I was a feminist wrestling fan. My husband (the ultimate wrestling fan), Eric and I became fast friends. We talk all the time via social media and send gifts for Christmas and birthdays. Edward and I always talked about how crazy it was that we were so close to someone we’d never actually met. Finally, that has changed! We finally met Eric in real life during our New York trip. And Eric is even more amazing in person! He took us to great restaurants like the Meatball Shop, the nerd heaven that is Forbidden Planet and Strand Book Store, home of 18 miles of new, used, rare and out-of-print books.

Thanks to Eric I also think I know what tattoo I’m going to get.

3. I got to embrace my inner feminist nerd.

Check out my feminist nerd purchases made at Forbidden Planet!

And speaking of being a nerd…

4. I got to hang out at NerdLand!

I said that New York owes me nothing, but really 2015 owes me nothing. Earlier this year I got to meet Melissa Harris-Perry on my birthday and I thought nothing could top that as far as meeting your heroes goes. I was wrong.

During our trip Edd and I had the chance to hang out at NBC Studios at 30 Rock during the taping of the Melissa Harris-Perry Show. We were in the studio while she was interviewing guests and got to spend time in the control room.

We even attended the post-show meeting which was too much fun because when Professor Harris-Perry takes those braids down after the show you get to really meet Melissa! She is so down-to-earth. I love it!

We couldn’t have picked a better day to be there as several segments were about body image issues and feminism in pop culture — two topics I love discussing most. My favorite segments included Why ‘Magic Mike XXL is a feminist movie and NYT slammed for Serena ‘body image’ story.

5. I was reunited with two of my favorite feminists.

Our time at the MHP Show was made possible thanks to two friends from my grad school days at UC Berkeley. My friends Traci and Kai are producers at the show and arranged for us to be special NerdLand backstage guests. They were also the producers behind those two segments that I loved the most.

***

If you follow me on Instagram (@writeousbabe) you may have noticed that most of my New York pictures were of people, not places. That was intentional.

New York is one of the greatest cities on the planet — we all know that. But what made our trip so wonderful wasn’t really the city itself but the people we spent time with while we were there.

This was a great trip for Edward because he met in person many people he’s gotten to know over the years through blogging and social media. And when I met them I felt as if I were seeing old friends again, too.

With Fred and Alysa at the Met Rooftop Garden

And, New York, you had me at brunch.

Unlimited sangrias? Yes, please.

At Dino in Brooklyn

The best part about this trip was that Edd and I had time to relax, to reconnect with each other and even reconnect with ourselves. I’ve never been more motivated to read and write as I am right now. Thank you, New York.

The beautiful scenery for our last dinner in New York

Long Island City Boardwalk

“Quite simply, I was in love with New York. I do not mean ‘love’ in any colloquial way, I mean that I was in love with the city, the way you love the first person who ever touches you and you never love anyone quite that way again.” — Joan Didion

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